The YOU Element in Business Letters

The YOU Element in Business Letters :

I AM not interested in your proposition until you have shown some interest in my affairs. And you can never make me believe that you are really interested in me by everlastingly harping on we.

A tire manufacturer answers my inquiry with this.

“We have your favor of the fourteenth stating that you are interested in our advertisement on Wonder Tires. We are enclosing our Wonder booklet which illustrates and describes our Wonder tread. We would be very glad to give you any further information and our best price. Trusting that you will insist on Wonder Tires, we are, yours very truly.”

Now I was interested in the advertisement, but is there one single reason in the “we” spotted letter why I should continue to be interested, why I should “insist” on having Wonder Tires? What I wanted from that manufacturer was tire talk that applied to me. His interest in the deal was obvious. It was mine that was essential to a sale. And that letter killed what little I had.

Contrast it with this from a manufacturer who would sell me an engine.

“You know what a nuisance it is to set out to equip a boat and find that you haven’t got this and you haven’t got that. Before you finish, it has cost a quarter or a third more than you figured on. “Customers have often asked us: ‘What does your equipment include? Why don’t you make it complete?’ That’s just what we’re going to do from now on—we are going to ‘put in everything.’ And what’s more we’re going to pay the freight.”

That man is talking to me. He knows my boat troubles. He’s talking to me in my own boat house, and I read on through his description and sales argument with an interest approaching fascination, because I feel from the first word that the writer of that letter understands my needs.

The YOU Element in Business Letters