Word Resume Template :
No one is suggesting that you marry the company right now. When you say you have an interest in a job or company, that doesn't mean you can't pursue other interests as well.
Based on our usual procedure, we commented in a polite but to-the-point manner. We appreciated this because you wanted help landing a job, not a gratuitous pat on the back. I think your opening paragraph needs some work. You should be more clear about your purpose in writing. Get to the point. In most cases, that means using the first sentence of your first paragraph to let the reader know your objective in contacting him / her.
But certainly the employer knows why I'm writing and I need a job. Why state the obvious?
Of course you want a job. But what kind of a job and why that job or employer? People are busy, so it's important to get to the point. May be you could say something like this.
"I am interested in joining your firm as a commercial lines underwriter."
But I'm not sure that's what I want to be.
No one is suggesting that you marry the company right now. When you say you have an interest in a job or company, that doesn't mean you can't pursue other interests as well. But if you are writing to a particular company, you are better off having a particular kind of job in mind. If you haven't taken the trouble to identify a purpose in writing, the reader won't take the trouble to consider your letter seriously. You and I discussed underwriting once, so I chose that as an example.
Listen. You can want many kinds of things. Having three or five goals is not a problem. Having none or 100 is. When you say you are interested in a particular kind of job, that's true, even if you have other, unstated interests as well.
I see what you're saying. Let's move to my second sentence. Didn't I score some points here? I let the reader know that I have talent, even if I lack recent professional experience.
The way I read that, you seem to be apologizing. If an apology has any place at all, it's certainly not in the first paragraph. Maybe you could write about your motivation, for example…
"My interest in this field results from the knowledge that I could contribute many of the skills I have developed throughout my professional experience."
That way, you are presenting not one but two positive characteristics: Credible motivation and work experience. Your reference to work experience is honest… you
don't have to mention in the first paragraph that the experience wasn't recent.
You are right, again. The employer is interested in those strengths that would help his / her firm. Besides, we all have limitations, so raising that fact as you open your cover letter states the obvious while missing the point. What if your previous experience had not been at a professional level? Then she could honestly say "skills I have developed throughout my working experience."
That's an interesting point. You want to elicit the reader's interest early on and showing a well-founded motivation is a way to do that. From what people are saying to me, I can see now how my third sentence is too vague. I need to show more direction and connect with the reader. Let me rewrite that last sentence like this:
"Your company (or name of company) attracted my special interest during my research of the insurance industry."
Good going…… Your research interests the reader because it suggests that you are serious and directed in your job search.
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